8/1/08 - 12:01pm - Monkey cat rodeo.
OK, Try this stunner of an idea on for size.
Would you pay money to see a monkey in a cowboy suit try to ride a cat, in and exciting test of monkey agility and cat violence.
You could make the rodeo ring in a children's sand pit, and the cool thing is you can change the scale of it quite easily, you start with rhesus monkeys on kittens, and work up to chimps on ocelots, baboons on jaguars, hell why not go the whole hog and put some mountain gorillas on bengall tigers.
Now thats entertainment
I'm expecting the RSPCA or PETA to call any day now with offers of sponsorship.
5/1/08 - 11:48pm - Poetic spam translation.
Fucking hell!!
Someone wrote to me with a translation or my poetic french spam.
Apparently
"Se souvenir de mes informations que donne trente-quatre moins quatre ?"
Translates into
"Remember that gives me thirty-four minus four"
It kinda looses the romance when it turns out to be the solution to a maths quiz question.
It must be because it's in French, which is often called the language of love. Maybe thats why Frenchmen have reputations a such good lovers, They aren't actually any better than the rest of the world, they just sound good when they talk about it.
12/7/07 - 4:40pm - Is it a bird?, Is it a plane?
A bit of spam today with the subject field....wait for it....
Radioactive Insurance Agent!
Now that is a super-hero film that I would fucking love to see.
23/6/07 - 10:39am - Question?
If air is such a good insulator, why am I colder when I'm naked?
13/6/07 - 4:52pm - Poetry (and a confession)
In the dim and distant past (about 13 years ago), I used to write a lot of morbid, angst ridden poetry. If you no longer value the last shreds of taste and decency you have left after finding this waste of web space, you can go and look at my often immature and death obsessed prose.
Feel what its like to be an "emo" by clicking here
*EDIT* 12/7/07 - OK OK, so i haven't got round to it, and in all likelihood i never will, but if enough people email me to do it i suppose I can scrape something together.
6/6/07 - 5:14pm - Things that don't exist, but life would be nicer if they did (No.2 ).
The Poo Button.
How many time have you been caught in a situation where you desperately needing a dump, but know that you wont be able to get to a toilet for at least another half an hour.
How many times has this happened to you after you have spent some earlier portion of the same day with nothing to do for 20 mins.
Don't you wish there was some sort of device (button like, and possibly attached to the body) that you could use to induce an immediate and pleasant emptying of the bowels.
Ladies and gentle men i give you the poo button.
Obviously it would have to have some sort of protective cover. You wouldn't want to accidentally "nudge your button" while wearing a pair of white cotton slacks.
But think of the relief to those suffering with blockages, or even worse, those needing to quickly get rid of something a little too spicy for normal bowels to handle.
Poo buttons, its the future.
6/6/07 - 4:43pm - Poetic spam.
I received a number of spam e-mails today (for a change), and as I was trawling through then to see if anyone with an actual pulse was writing to me, I found this almost poetic bit of anti-spam filter text, and by poetic, i mean its structure and cadence, not the actual words which do have an impact of their own, just not a very big impact.
"They were at a checkpoint and then all of a sudden gun fire started and the next thing she knew was the pain of having been shot.
Se souvenir de mes informations que donne trente-quatre moins quatre ?"
Now, I don't speak French all that well (something about souvenirs and information, and then some numbers?). So could someone who understands this please mail me an let me know what it means.
If I get any more "Poetic Spam" I'll start stringing the sentences together to concoct a poem of such stunning breadth and poetyness that it will rival epic stanzas like Beowulf or Paradise Lost.
Or I could end up with a page full of random crap.
5/6/07 - 7:30pm - Things that don't exist, but life would be nicer if they did (No.1 of an ongoing series).
Chip trees.
Trees that grow ready cut chips (fries if your an American or a non English xenophobe). When the chip tree has finished fruiting (chipping) it can be cut down and fashioned into sturdy planks of chipboard.
Satan has a little piece of hell waiting for me for thinking of that one.
4/6/07 - 7:30pm
click on this. --> (PORN) Not Suitable For Work (PORN)
After you have watched the feelthy video, scroll down for various international comments. The first British one is fantastic.
